A Robert Frost Poem & My Thoughts

The Road Not Taken  

- Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

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     When you've been to hell and back it's easy to stay on the same path--the road full of pain--not because you're happy but because it's easy. You've gotten comfortable there. You don't want to be there but the alternative--coming face to face with your issues (or maybe more accurately, your demons)--sounds too scary so you forge ahead and tell yourself you're OK. 

     This works for a while but the problem is you can only keep all this nasty stuff hidden for so long. You can only lie to yourself for so long. It will come up, one way or the other, whether you like it or not. It will rise to the surface and force you to deal with it sometimes in many forms at once. For example, you may be in a relationship and your past unresolved pain is causing problems. This happens to everyone; we all have baggage. But how many failed relationships do you want to go through before you stop and realize that you are killing them? It's never just one person's fault, but too many people blame the other person and don't take responsibility for their own mistakes. It's easy to just move on and find someone new but the cycle will keep repeating itself. 

     Now, count yourself extra lucky if you're in a relationship and your demons are coming to the surface as the bond between you two deepens and your mate is loyal and tries to understand you and work through it with you. This person is a blessing and you should thank your lucky stars! Seriously. Stop right now and say a prayer, thank the universe, whatever you'd like, because so many walk away when the sunshine turns to clouds and the roses wilt. 

     Now comes the hard part. You have been given this beautiful opportunity to overcome all this unnecessary garbage you've been carrying around. You've been given a chance to stop the vicious cycle, to grow and to learn, to heal yourself. 

    Love yourself enough to let it go. Maybe you think you deserve it. You may even think you deserve to be unhappy. I can't tell you how to heal yourself. That's something that is unique to everyone. For me, I began focusing more on my first love, the thing that fills my heart with joy and passion, you guessed it: writing. I started focusing on all the good in my life and stopping to really think about all I have to be grateful for. It's hard. When you're in the thick of it, it's so easy to be self-destructive and turn back to your old habits. But just try. Just say, "today I'm going to try to eat healthy." Why? Because what we eat affects us so much more than we realize. It affects our emotions. Over-processed and toxic foods full of chemicals will make you feel like $%#! so stop putting that in your body! The last thing you may want to do is exercise, but tell yourself you will walk for ten minutes. That's it. Maybe you'll start to feel better and want to keep walking. Maybe you won't and you'll have to force yourself the next day. That's OK. Just keep doing it. Years and years of scientific research on the anti-depressant effects of exercise cannot be wrong. It has been shown to be the equivalent of taking an anti-depressant and with no scary side effects. Yay!

     Basically, stop and ask yourself what you need. Do you need a couple days to yourself? Do you need to set aside time for exercise? Do you need to eat healthier? Do you need to go see friends? Go see a therapist? Whatever it is, you're worth it so do it! We only get such a short period of time on this planet, do you really want to spend it feeling like this?

    You are on a road. You come to a fork in the road. You can choose to walk straight ahead and stay on the same road you've been on for years. You already know what lies ahead. You don't like it but you know what to expect and it is not really what you want but it's comfortable and easy. You may even think you deserve to stay on this road to pay your penance for all the wrongs you've done. OK, well you've paid for your sins enough. It's time to forgive yourself. 

     Turn to your right and start down the new road. It is new unfamiliar terrain, it is rough at first and you find yourself tripping over rocks in the road. Get up and keep going. Because when you look up ahead, you see a clearing and a bright brilliant light peeking between two large trees. It is so blinding that you cannot even see what is there but you have a feeling you should follow it. You want to get to that light. You saw no such thing on the other road. On the other path, you could see what was in front of you for miles and it was dim and gray but it was clear. But none of that matters anymore. You've chosen to be brave and you've chosen to love yourself and give yourself a chance at happiness. While you're walking to try to reach the light, you will trip and fall and get hurt. You will cry and think about turning around so many times but you keep going because you feel that what you're doing is right. You are on the path of healing and you look around and see your friends and loved ones along the sides of the road. They are jumping for joy--literally--because they are so happy for you. They are cheering you on. You start to feel happier and more hopeful. So this is why I took this road, you say. I'm actually starting to feel better. Wow. 

    We have a tendency to stay with what we know. Change is scary. Healing is scary. Letting go of the beliefs and attitudes you've been holding onto for so many years is terrifying, but you can do it. The first step is the hardest. Be brave. Rip off the band-aid and toss it aside and don't look back. You're finding your happy.

Why I Write (Essay - 363 words)

Why I Write 

We all daydream and sometimes our hopes and dreams seem far away and we wonder if that's all they will ever be. We try to make them happen, but despite our best efforts, some just fall through. Writing is my safety net. If something just won't seem to happen in real life, I will make it happen on the page because I need to see it happen. It serves a purpose. Maybe I'm sending this energy out into the universe and making it more likely to happen. Maybe it satisfies me somehow to see it written down and happening to a fictional character.

Writing gives you power. It allows you to create your own world. In fiction, anything is possible. Whatever it is that you want can happen in two pages. I use my characters. I use my stories. Writing is a very selfish thing in the beginning. It is all in your head and you are creating a world with new people and events. My stories aren't about me. They never start that way. The characters pop into my head demanding attention and I don't know where they come from, but they need to be given life. And many times, writing about their struggles, their conflict, their pain, their joy, is therapy for me. It helps me to feel compassion for myself because it puts everything onto the table and allows me to see that I have every right to feel the way I do. Have you heard people say "Would you talk to your friend that way?" when thinking of how you talk to yourself? Sometimes putting a character in your shoes (or giving them some of your problems) helps you to see a situation clearer. I can't tell you how many times an answer appears in the story that helps me personally.

The great thing is that many of our struggles are universal. Most likely, whatever you are writing about is something other people can relate to. So it is not entirely selfish. By making yourself vulnerable and sharing your (or your character's) struggles, you comfort other people by showing them they are not alone. And sometimes, a story is just entertainment. Most often, it is both. My novel is very much set in the real world and deals with personal relationships (specifically, a romantic relationship with lots of very messed up issues) but also has supernatural elements because it is fun to imagine a mysterious, possibly devious person with superhuman abilities.

All the things you can't say--because no one wants to hear it, people are tired of hearing it, or it sounds like complaining or whining--you can put into a story. And this changes everything. It is far more effective to get your point across and really say something if you make up fictional characters and a fictional setting with an original plot. It is safer. It is not as threatening. You can't just shove the medicine down someone's throat. They will fight you every time. Put the medicine in the mashed potatoes. Sneaky? Maybe. But, isn't this what every great artist has done? This is what I strive for. Because the alternative is to go around being miserable and feeling sorry for yourself and that is not much fun to be around. So, purge all the crap and then go out and enjoy your life.

Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder (Short Creative Non-Fiction - 475 words)

Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

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Author note: I wrote this in February 2013. Interesting, because it is now 10 years later and I am still #singleAF as the kids say. 

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     Dating can be fun but is mostly confusing. I have learned many things, though. For example, I learned that you shouldn't drink at all on the first couple of dates because you will miss a lot of important things. And pay attention if a guy wears sunglasses a lot. He could be hiding something, like a serious case of lazy eye. How did I not notice this? It was probably the Pinot Grigio. Now before you say, "Elaine, that is just mean," read on. He was not exactly Prince Charming.

     You might be tempted to drink to calm the nerves and get over the first date jitters, but resist the temptation, because you will start to really like the person. He was fairly intelligent with a good sense of humor and good taste in music. So I got my hopes up and thought--as I frequently did in these times--"Yay! We found a winner!" It usually took me three dates to figure out what I assumed most people would see at first glance. I tend to be very picky so I was trying to not be so picky and be more open-minded but after this, I realized I should go back to being picky. See? Confusing. On the third date, I noticed that what I initially thought was a 5 or 6 was actually maybe a 2. Wine will do that to you. 

     Then I questioned myself, wondering if I was just being shallow. After all, looks are not the most important thing. But this was just too much. As Date #3 continued and I tried to make eye contact but could not because one eye was traveling westward and one wandering eastward, I realized I just couldn't do it. But that's not even the whole story. 

     He was incredibly tedious and indecisive in everything and very cheap. (What's that sound? Ah, yes, it's the sound of panties dropping) We went to Publix to buy a bottle of wine after dinner (a dinner I made, by the way. Why do women try so hard? On the third date??) and he grabs three bottles of wine. I'm thinking, "OK, he wants to take a couple bottles back home with him. He's stocking up." He puts them on the belt and stands off to the side, clearly expecting me to pay for all of them. I must add that he did make little comments from time to time about making sure I wasn't a "gold-digger" and that he was looking for a "sugar-momma." I paid for one bottle of wine and told him to put the rest back. He acted like I was over-reacting. I'm like, "No, we came for one bottle. I can't buy three." Oh, and I forgot to mention that he would never open doors but would actually stand back and wait for me to open them for him. Bizarre. I'm a modern woman and all, but really?

     On the second date, he told me how mysterious and alluring I was, how I was so different from any other woman he dated. Please. Are we in high school? He claimed to understand women so much better than other men. He just didn't understand why women were so flaky. They would lead him on then let him down. Maybe it was because they realized what a weirdo you were, but anyway. He, in his grand narcissism, called it "buyer's remorse." He worked this into almost every conversation we had.

     Suffice it to say, I did not see him again. 

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Another author's note May 21, 2023: In the last 10 years, I've been in two serious relationships. Other than that, I have dated many men like the one described above and worse. At the age of 42, I have now accepted being single and am living life to the fullest, enjoying friends, family, animals, and so incredibly grateful to be doing work I love. Not being married and having kids does not mean I have failed. It doesn't happen for everyone and maybe that is because it is not meant for everyone: some of us have another purpose in life, passions that take up all our time and energy. It's refreshing to know that we are not in control of our lives as much as we think. Whatever is meant for you will find you. Stop fighting it and be happy. 

Movies are Weird: Insights on Creativity and Entertainment (short essay - 323 words)

 
“The tremendous leisure industry that has arisen in the last few generations has been designed to help fill free time with enjoyable experiences. Nevertheless, instead of using our physical and mental resources to experience flow, most of us spend many hours each week watching celebrated athletes playing in enormous stadiums. Instead of making music, we listen to platinum records cut by millionaire musicians. Instead of making art, we go to admire paintings that brought in the highest bids at the latest auction. We do not run risks acting on our beliefs, but occupy hours each day watching actors who pretend to have adventures, engaged in mock-meaningful action.”
― Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Flow

  

 I had live-streamed Bonnaroo on my laptop on June 15, 2014. I had been talking to my sister who lived so close to the festival site (Manchester, Tennessee) at the time that she could hear the music. We are both huge Jack White fans so she was ecstatic to be able to hear his set live from her backyard and I was green with envy as I sat in Orlando watching it live-stream on my laptop. But I recorded a few bits and pieces of his set onto my voice recorder on my iPhone as I listened. Today I was going through all my old voice memos and heard one from Jack's Bonnaroo set that I wanted to share. It's just something that I've thought of many times and to hear someone else say it was pretty cool.

    He quotes a conversation he had with a movie director one time who said, "I think films are so strange. If an alien came down and walked into a movie theater, and watched [all the people watching] two people talking to each other on a screen, an alien would've said to a human being, 'so you come in here and pay money, your hard-earned money, to sit down and watch two people talk to each other? Why don't you do that at home? Why don't you do that at home?'"

     I just think that's interesting. I've always felt a little strange watching TV or watching a movie. (don't get me wrong, I can binge-watch all 9 seasons of The Office, and I also love Grey's Anatomy) but I've always thought, "why am I sitting here watching other people do things? It's weird. Why don't I go out and do things?"

    It's also a topic covered in a book I read a few years ago called, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihaly. In it, he writes, "Although watching TV is far from being a positive experience—generally people report feeling passive, weak, rather irritable, and sad when doing it—at least the flickering screen brings a certain amount of order to consciousness. The predictable plots, familiar characters, and even the redundant commercials provide a reassuring pattern of stimulation. The screen invites attention to itself as a manageable, restricted aspect of the environment. While interacting with television, the mind is protected from personal worries. The information passing across the screen keeps unpleasant concerns out of the mind.”

  I guess my point is, watching movies and TV has its place. Sometimes we need to do something mindless and escape our reality for a while. I just think we need to be careful not to go overboard and let our lives slip away. It feels so much better to create something yourself, whether you're dancing, singing, writing, painting, crafting, designing a video game, a website, starting your own biz, quilting, making handbags out of your cat's shedded fur...

Anyone else agree?