Friday, April 5, 2019

The Meow Meow Gang (Short Fiction for Cat Ladies and Gentlemen - 755 words)






Buggy is a pint-sized furball of fierce. She's named after Bugs Bunny because of her big ears and overbite which makes her look like a bunny. She's small but don't let her size fool you. Buggy is all meow and all bite. 

McCatney is a tiger-striped cat from Alabama. Since he was a kitten, he dreamed of leaving his home state and moving to Orlando for two reasons: 

1.       Alabama, the band, has a song talking about “skinning cats.” 

2.       He wanted to meet this famous rodent—Mickey Mouse—everyone kept talking about. 

His friends told him to stop being silly and accept his country cat life, but he had dreams. He worked his way south by jumping on the back of trucks until he reached his destination. Once in Orlando, he met Buggy and the two became friends. But to become a member of the Meow Meow Gang, McCatney had to eat an entire bowl of catnip. He was awake for two days and ended up in a bowl of noodles behind a Chinese restaurant. The owner of the restaurant came out the back door. When he saw McCatney, he yelled, “Shoo! Shoo!” Buggy came just in time and yelled at the man, “Nobody messes with my friend! Meeooww hisss!” The owner shook his head and went inside. 

One day, McCatney and Buggy were hanging out at PetSmart. McCatney looked down at his claws and said, “These are too long. Buggy, distract the workers so I can use this scratching post a while.”

“Right meow?” Buggy asked. “I was getting ready to take a nap.” 

“Yes, right meow,” said McCatney.

“Merr purr,” Buggy mumbled then jumped up on a high shelf full of dog treats and shoved them all to the ground. Then she ran and hid behind a stack of cat litter. A young man walked around the corner and saw the mess. He sighed and cleaned it up. 

Meanwhile, McCatney was hard at work on the scratching post. When he trimmed his claws, he went into his own world. He was in a frenzy, his head bobbing back and forth, low growling sounds coming from his throat. Finally, when he was finished, he laid on the floor and purred. 

Buggy walked over, a bag of Meow Mix chicken-flavored treats hanging from her mouth. She dropped the treats to the floor. 

“You really get into your scratching,” Buggy said as she opened the bag with her teeth. 

McCatney played with a little squeaky mouse, batting it back and forth between his paws. He looked at Buggy. “Have you ever been to Disney World? I hear there's a big mouse named Mickey there. I have to see him for myself.”

Buggy wrinkled her nose and her whiskers twitched. “I haven't met him. But I've heard he's a real asshole and he's really big. You wouldn't be able to catch him.”

McCatney whacked the mouse across the floor. It slammed against a container of cat litter and squeaked. “I like to challenge myself. If someone tells me I can't do something, then I have to try it. Don't you have dreams, Buggy?”

Buggy grabbed hold of a dog bed with her claws and dragged it closer. She jumped in and kneaded the soft cotton for a couple minutes before lying down. “I have dreams of taking a nap right meow.”

“I'm serious, Buggy. Don't you ever get tired of this? Living on the streets, sneaking into pet stores and stealing food and catnip? There has to be more to life than this.”

Buggy stood up again and pressed her paws into the bed. “What are you talking about? Just because you were named after some famous human, you want a glamorous life? This is the best we can do, cats like us.”

McCatney jumped to the top of the scratching post and looked down at Buggy. He raised a paw into the air. “No! We can do better. The street life is no way to live. Somewhere out there is a purrfect loving family who would take us in, feed us, pet us, cuddle us, maybe even take us to see Mickey Mouse!”

 Buggy stretched and yawned. “Come on, McCatney. What kind of catnip have you been sniffing? No one wants us. Look at us.” She looked down at her matted fur. “We're dirty kitties. We're wild. We're street cats and that's all we're going to be. No one would want to adopt us. Now stop being silly and go grab a box of Meow Mix. I'll grab some catnip. We need to go before they find us and kick us out.”

“Alright. Let's bring some food to the rest of the gang.”

Buggy and McCatney walked outside and stopped when they saw a big white van with “Humane Society” written on the side. 

Buggy leaned up against a street post and began licking her paw and washing her face. “These creeps again,” she said. “Driving up in their weird white van. No way am I getting in there. Don't care if they have the best treats in the world.”

“Shh,” McCatney said. “Don't be rude.”

A lady with bright red hair stepped out of the van and walked slowly to the cats, smiling. 

Buggy decided to call her “Fire.” Another woman walked out behind her, followed by a short man with curly hair. 

“Hey, little guys. Let us bring you to the shelter. You must be hungry,” Fire said. 

McCatney looked at Buggy. “We're okay, we just had some Meow Mix.”

The fur on Buggy's neck stood up and she arched her back. “Yeah, we're fine,” she hissed. 

Fire smiled. “Come here, you.” She leaned down and tried to pick up Buggy, but Buggy batted at her, giving her two quick slaps, and ran around the corner. 

Fire looked at McCatney. “We can give you a nice warm bed and find you loving homes. I bet you could use a bath, too.”

McCatney licked his paw and wiped his ear. “I already had a bath.”

Buggy peeked her head around the corner. “Come on, McCatney. Let's find the rest of the gang.”

McCatney looked at the van then back to Buggy. “We should go with them, Buggy.”

“Hell, no. Life on the streets is all I know.”

“Come on,” McCatney said. “Maybe it won't be so bad.”

Buggy's tail twitched. “You just want to meet Mickey Mouse.”

His tail waving back and forth, McCatney stepped closer to Buggy. “Yeah, maybe I do. But I want more for us. We have nothing to lose. Don't you trust me?”

Buggy rubbed her head against the side of the building then walked over to McCatney. “I do trust you. You're my best friend.”

McCatney and Buggy let the rescuers take them into crates and put them into the van. It smelled like other cats and the ride was bumpy. When they got to the shelter, the nice people gave them baths and a man in a white coat gave them shots. Buggy was mad at first, but calmed down when she saw a bowl of delicious food. 

One day, after they'd been in the shelter for a few weeks, Buggy nudged McCatney. “Hey, no one has adopted us and this is boring. We should escape.”

McCatney lapped up some water from his bowl. “We can't give up hope. Besides, I heard them talking while you were asleep. They said we would get adopted together.”

“I sure hope so,” said Buggy. “Although you'll have to do something about that gas when we're in a house. I don't know how that smell can come out of a cat. I mean, I can see it from a cow, but—"

“Alright, alright, I got it!” McCatney said. “Stop nagging. Maybe when we have better food my gas will go away.”

They both looked up as a pretty young woman walked into the room. She smiled at Buggy and McCatney. “Oh, look,” she said. “Aren't they precious?” She stepped closer and bent down to pet them. “I'm Cindy. It's nice to meet you.”

McCatney leaned in to let her pet him and buried his face in her cleavage. 

“McCatney!” Buggy hissed. “Stop that.”

Cindy picked him up and held him. “Silly boy,” she said. 

Then she put him down and picked up Buggy, who purred and rested her head against her chest. “How about you guys come live with me?”

McCatney meowed loudly and Buggy amped up her purring. Cindy laughed. “I'll take that as a yes.”

Buggy and McCatney spent the next few days exploring their new home. It was big and there were plenty of toys all over the house. There was always yummy food and clean water to drink. Cindy loved to play and cuddle with them, too. 

One day, Buggy was rolling around in a pile of catnip and meowing loudly. McCatney sat next to her, eating from his bowl. He looked at Buggy and shook his head. 

Cindy walked in. “Oh my goodness, what have you gotten into, little one?” She picked Buggy up and held her, petting her. “You opened the catnip all on your own?” She laughed. “I'm going to have to hide that better, Buggy-Bug.” She set Buggy down and looked at McCatney. “Your little sister is a wild one, isn't she?”

McCatney washed his paws. “Don't I know it.”

When Cindy left the room, Buggy went to the middle of the kitchen floor and stood for a minute, her eyes to the ceiling. She let out a long sigh. “Meeoooow. . .”

“Buggy! What did you do? We have a litter box for that,” McCatney said. 

“She hid the catnip. When she stops hiding it, I'll start using the litter box again. You have to train your humans, McCatney. All cats know this.”

“That's just rude,” said McCatney. He jumped onto the counter and pushed a roll of paper towels onto the floor. 

Later that night, Buggy and McCatney were lying in front of the fireplace. “I sure am thankful the shelter people took us off the streets,” McCatney said. 

“Me, too,” said Buggy. She rolled over onto her back and licked her paw. “You know what I could really go for right now? I'd love some catnip.”

McCatney purred and shook his head. “Oh, Buggy, what am I going to do with you?”

Buggy got up and moved a little closer to the fireplace. McCatney's ears stood straight up when he saw what she'd been lying on. It was a colorful piece of paper with a picture of a big mouse dressed in red pants, a black shirt and white gloves standing in front of a castle. 

“Buggy!” McCatney pounced on Buggy. “That's the place with the mouse! We have to go there!”

“I know,” Buggy said. “That's why I'm making sure Cindy sees this in the morning.” She picked up the picture with her teeth and jumped onto the coffee table. She carefully slid it under a set of keys. “She won't miss this. When she decides to go, we'll just sneak into the back of the car.”

“Buggy, you're the best,” McCatney said. 

“I am, aren't I?” Buggy purred and hopped back onto the floor. She looked around the room. “Now, help me find that catnip, would you?”