Tuesday, May 23, 2023

B2B Sample Copy



Introducing Our Innovative Business Solutions

Are you looking to take your business to the next level? At DataMax Solutions, we understand the unique challenges faced by businesses in today's competitive landscape. That's why we've developed a suite of innovative solutions designed specifically for B2B enterprises like yours.

Our cutting-edge technology and tailored strategies empower businesses to streamline operations, boost efficiency, and drive sustainable growth. With our comprehensive suite of services, you can optimize your business processes, enhance customer engagement, and stay ahead of the curve.

Here's how we can help transform your business:

Process Automation: Say goodbye to tedious manual tasks and embrace the power of automation. Our advanced process automation solutions streamline workflows, reduce errors, and save you valuable time and resources. Whether it's automating data entry, invoice processing, or inventory management, we have the expertise to optimize your operations and drive productivity.


Data Analytics: Make informed decisions based on real-time insights. Our data analytics solutions provide in-depth analysis of your business data, uncovering hidden patterns, trends, and opportunities. From predictive analytics to customer segmentation, we equip you with the knowledge to make strategic decisions and drive business growth.


Personalized Marketing: Engage your target audience like never before. Our personalized marketing solutions leverage data-driven strategies to deliver targeted and relevant messages to your prospects and customers. From email campaigns to social media advertising, we help you create impactful marketing campaigns that resonate with your audience and generate measurable results.


Customer Relationship Management: Build strong, lasting relationships with your customers. Our CRM solutions enable you to manage and track customer interactions, improve customer satisfaction, and drive customer loyalty. From lead management to customer support, we provide the tools and insights you need to deliver exceptional customer experiences.

At DataMax Solutions, we are committed to helping businesses thrive in today's dynamic marketplace. Our team of experts will work closely with you to understand your unique needs and deliver tailored solutions that drive tangible results. Experience the power of our innovative B2B solutions and unlock the full potential of your business.

Contact us today to schedule a consultation and discover how DataMax Solutions can propel your business forward. Together, let's shape a successful future for your B2B enterprise.






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Sunday, May 21, 2023

Quest Publishing (marketing copy)



Welcome to Quest Publishing, where stories come alive! We're here to make your publishing dreams a reality, creating captivating books that resonate with readers.

With a passion for books and a team of publishing pros, we guide you every step of the way. From editing to cover design, formatting to global distribution, we've got you covered.

Each book is a unique adventure, and we're committed to a smooth and exciting publishing experience. Our friendly team supports you, celebrates your successes, and answers your questions.

Join Quest Publishing for a thrilling literary journey. Transform your manuscript into a book that captivates and leaves readers hungry for more. Your story awaits!
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MedTech Solutions (marketing copy)



Introducing MedTech Solutions, your premier partner in revolutionizing healthcare through cutting-edge software development. With our unrivaled expertise in healthcare technology, we empower companies to enhance patient care, streamline operations, and achieve unprecedented efficiency.

At MedTech Solutions, we understand the unique challenges faced by healthcare providers, and our dedicated team of tech professionals is passionate about crafting innovative solutions tailored to your specific needs. From electronic medical record systems to telehealth platforms, our state-of-the-art software is designed to optimize workflows, improve data security, and facilitate seamless communication.

We pride ourselves on delivering exceptional results and exceeding client expectations. With a deep understanding of industry regulations and compliance requirements, we ensure that our software solutions adhere to the highest standards of quality and privacy.

Partner with MedTech Solutions to stay ahead in the ever-evolving healthcare landscape. Experience the power of transformative technology and propel your organization towards success. Discover how our groundbreaking software solutions can revolutionize your healthcare business. 

Contact us today for a consultation.
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FreshHarvest marketing copy




Welcome to FreshHarvest! As the pioneers of organic food delivery, we are passionate about bringing you the freshest, most flavorful organic fruits, vegetables, and meats. Our devoted team works tirelessly to ensure your complete satisfaction.

Indulge in excellence with our carefully curated selection of organic meats and produce, thoughtfully chosen to guarantee exceptional quality and taste. Whether you're a seasoned chef or a cooking enthusiast, our diverse range of options caters to all your unique preferences and dietary needs.

Our dedication to your well-being extends far beyond your order. Our friendly customer support team is available round the clock, ready to assist you with any inquiries or concerns. We believe in fostering strong relationships and providing unparalleled post-purchase assistance.

Don't miss out on the chance to elevate your culinary experience and nourish your body with the best organic offerings. Visit our website today and discover the transformative impact FreshHarvest can have on your life!
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Product Descriptions




You’re roasting marshmallows, cozying up by the fire in your log cabin hideaway. 


Warm. Comforting. Cozy.  


Log Cabin Hand & Cuticle Cream will take you there with its subtle aromas of frankincense, cedarwood and vanilla. 

Made from all-natural ingredients – shea butter, coconut oil, and pure essential oils – you don’t have to worry about any harsh chemicals in your home or on your body. This luxuriously smooth formula is great for feet, elbows, hands, and cuticles but can be used anywhere that needs some extra moisture. 

 

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When you feel a headache coming on, reach for Headache Help rollerball oil. Made with grapeseed oil, peppermint oil, and a dash of bergamot oil, this will give you instant cooling relief and an uplifting scent to help you move on with your day. 

 

Alternative copy:


You had a rough day at work and now the beginnings of a headache. Stop the pain in its tracks and roll Headache Help onto your temples and forehead and inhale the scent for a few seconds. Infused with peppermint essential oil and a dash of bergamot, you’ll feel instant relief. 


It's not only for headaches though; Headache Help is great when you need a little boost. Maybe you're in the dreaded afternoon slump or you just need a pick-me-up. Inhale Headache Help for 4-5 seconds or roll it onto your wrists and feel instantly rejuvenated.  

 

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Embark on a tantalizing journey with our new Enigma Earthblend, where earthy tones harmonize with velvety smoothness and a bold, invigorating strength. This captivating brew, carefully handcrafted from the finest beans, unveils a symphony of flavors that dance upon your palate, transporting you to a realm of pure coffee bliss. 

 

 

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Maybe you’ve had your nose pierced for a while or it’s a new piercing (if so, congrats!). Why not change it up a little and grab some new rings in a variety of colors? 


Introducing Spicy Jewels! Women-owned and hand-crafted, we have a variety of designs so you can go bold and colorful if you’re feeling feisty, or wear the classic diamond that goes with everything. There are 12 in the package so you'll never get bored! 


These high-quality stainless steel nose rings will stay put once inserted. So it won’t come out until you want it to! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Informational Article (654 words)




Essential Oils Can Help Ease Stress


Read on to learn how you can use essential oils—plant-derived extracts—to improve your sleep, mood, and focus. The best part? There are no harmful chemicals or weird ingredients you can’t pronounce; just all natural goodness.



You can make your own oil blends at home or buy blends from your local health store or online.



By Elaine Ewertz


Life is stressful. You’ve got a lot on your plate: juggling long hours at work, managing your home life—kids, partner, pets—and taking time for yourself always ends up on the back burner. You’re stressed and exhausted. You have trouble focusing on the task at hand and your to-do list is never-ending.

Adding essential oils into your self-care routine (or starting a self-care routine!) can help you feel better.

Where are the oils from?

Essential oils are extracted from the plant through mechanical pressing or distillation, according to the National Institute of Health. The result is a pure oil with its own unique scent and benefits.

How should I use the oils?

You should always use a carrier oil, such as grapeseed, fractionated coconut oil, almond oil, or jojoba oil. Most of these can be found at your local supermarket. Diluting the essential oil with a carrier oil is crucial because the oils are in pure form and are too strong to be used directly on the skin. Doing so can cause irritation and rashes. You can buy oil blends like this one by Eden’s Garden on Amazon. (Eden’s Garden essential oils are good quality and reasonably-priced).

Roll-On

If you’re feeling creative, you can make an oil blend yourself. I recommend using a rollerball bottle so you can carry it with you and use it as perfume or just to inhale whenever needed. Note that if you decide to make blends at home, you should look up a recipe from a reputable website. Happy Home Happy Heart has some nice recipes. I’ve used these rollerball oil bottles to make my own blends at home. This is just one type; there are several different colors and styles to choose from. Be creative and have fun with it!

Diffuser

When using a diffuser such as this one, you can add the undiluted oils in along with water. You will typically use 5-10 drops of each oil and fill the rest of the base with water (there is usually a fill line to guide you). The diffuser will stay on for a few hours, filling your home with the lovely scent of your chosen oil or blend. You can also look up recipes for using oils in the diffuser. This website has several great recipes you can try.

There are many other ways to use the oils but these are the basics to get you started. Curious as to what oils you should try? This depends on what type of benefit you are looking for. If you need to relax, lavender is always a great choice.

Lavender: Relax & Soothe



According to the Center for Research on Ingredient Safety at Michigan State University, scientific research shows that lavender may have healing properties, help insomnia, and decrease anxiety.

You can find lavender essential oil at your local health food store (read the label to make sure you are getting a pure oil and not synthetic or perfume) or on Amazon. For a soothing scent, try blending lavender with vanilla or chamomile oil. It’s also great used on its own!

Some ideas for using lavender oil:

· Use 5-7 drops in your diffuser at night while winding down for bed

· Mix a few drops into an unscented lotion and rub onto skin for a soft scent

· Add a few drops into your bath

· Keep a bottle in your nightstand and inhale for a few seconds before bed

· Make a rollerball bottle with lavender and a carrier oil and rub onto your pulse points and use as perfume or to breathe in throughout the day for stress relief

Peppermint: Uplift & Improve Focus



According to the Cleveland Clinic, peppermint can help with stomach issues, reduce fatigue, help with headaches, and improve your mood. It’s a great choice when you hit that afternoon slump at work or just need a pick me up. If you make a blend, adding a small amount of bergamot pairs nicely with this oil.

Some ideas for using peppermint oil:

· Add a few drops to your diffuser in the morning to help you wake up

· Inhale for a few seconds for an afternoon pick me up

· Mix a few drops into an unscented lotion and keep in the refrigerator for a cooling refresher in the summer or to apply to forehead and temples for a headache.

* Bonus: You can also make a cooling spray: Using a glass spray bottle, fill with distilled water and mix 5-10 drops of peppermint oil and keep in the refrigerator. Spray onto your neck for a tension headache or migraine or just to cool down after a workout or a hot summer day!

Lemon: Ease Pain & Depression



Besides being a fresh and clean scent, this oil may help people with Alzheimer’s, according to this study. It is also helpful in relieving pain and easing depression. Be careful though, as this oil can cause your skin to be more sensitive to sunlight and increase your risk of sunburn.

Some ideas for using lemon oil:

· Inhale the scent for 3-4 seconds when you’re feeling down

· Add a few drops into your diffuser at work or home for an uplifting scent

· Mix 5-10 drops of lemon oil with water in a spray bottle and spritz around your home to refresh your space

Rosemary: Help with Joint Pain & Hair Growth



A study published on PubMed showed rosemary oil helps reduce joint inflammation which could help decrease joint pain. It is also believed to help promote hair growth and improve mood. Note: Avoid using if you are pregnant, have epilepsy, or high blood pressure.

Some ideas for using rosemary oil:

· Mix 5-10 drops with water into a spray bottle to use as an air freshener

· Blend a few drops into unscented lotion or oil and apply to painful muscles and joints (try a small amount first to test for sensitivity)

· Add a few drops into your diffuser to fill your space with a warm and spicy scent

Conclusion

There are countless types of essential oils to choose from. According to Aromaweb, there are 130 different oils. This site lists all of them and offers descriptions of their uses, benefits, and properties. You're sure to find some inspiration for even more oils to use to help ease stress in your life as well as to benefit you in other ways, including gaining energy, focus, creativity, and pain relief. Be sure to use caution and use oils in a safe manner: Never apply directly to skin without a carrier oil and make sure you are not allergic to the oil. 






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Informative Article (782 words)



How to Start Writing a Fiction Novel


Where and how you want to write is important. Would you rather write at home or a coffee shop? Write in a notebook or a computer?


By Elaine Ewertz

So you’ve decided you want to write a book. It’s something you’ve always dreamed of doing but maybe you’ve doubted yourself or just haven’t had the time. The good news is, you can write a book. That doesn’t mean it will be easy; it just means it is possible if you decide to make the time and commit to it. It helps if you actually like to write. If you don’t, you probably won’t get very far. Sorry for the tough love but it’s true!

If you’re saying, “Yes! I want to write a book; it’s been my dream forever and I don’t care how much work is involved,” then you’re ready.

It is a lot of work but it’s a joyful process and is incredibly rewarding. When you get into that state of flow—losing track of time because you’re immersed in your story and the characters—eventually your stomach is growling and you realize you’ve been sitting at your computer for hours. Do this long and consistently enough and before you know it, you’ll be holding your very own novel in your hands. If this sounds good to you, read on.

Before I give you the steps to get started, think about what you are going to use to write—meaning, your laptop, pen and paper, ancient scroll and fountain pen. . .If you are using a computer, I recommend the program Scrivener. You can opt for a free 30-day trial to decide if you like it before you buy. When I wrote my first two books, I used Microsoft Word and I do not recommend that. There’s nothing wrong with Word, but it’s not made for novel writing. If I wanted to go back and make a change or find something, it was a lot of scrolling. Scrivener is amazing because it is made precisely for novel writing. Your chapters are organized and accessed easily from a side menu; you can make notes for each chapter. It will save you a lot of time and keep you organized.

Here are 3 steps to start writing a novel. This does not go into the entire process from start to finish. There is much more to think about—whether you will self-publish or query agents to go the traditional route, marketing, building a following on social media, just to name a few—but the purpose of this article is just to get you started. After all, you can’t publish or sell a book that doesn’t exist. Keep in mind, this is assuming you want to write a fiction novel. The process is different for other kinds of books.

So here we go. . .


1. Have an idea.


Your idea for your novel should be something that excites you or something you are curious about.


Any kind of idea will do, whether it’s a message you want to get out into the world, an idea for an interesting character, or a scene that’s been dancing around in your head. Often, a novel starts with a tiny seed. Mine started with a scene I imagined late at night when I couldn’t sleep: a woman is in bed and she hears a knock at the door. She looks through the peephole and sees a scary face looking back at her.

That’s it.

That’s where it started and now I have a four-book series on Amazon. (Yes, that is shameless self-promotion, but I also want to inspire you and show that it’s possible) This is very important: Choose an idea that you will want to write about every single day. Make sure it is something that excites you, something you feel passionate about, or something you are curious about (you can geek out and do research for your novel and learn something new). Bonus points if you can find something that satisfies all three.

Write down your idea. Ask:

· Who?

· What?

· Where?

· When?

· Why?


What comes to mind? Are you picturing a character, a setting, an event taking place? Is it taking place in the present or in the past or future? What is the emotion behind the scene? How does your character feel about what is happening? What does your character want? Why does your character want this?

Start there and just write. Get words on the paper (or screen). It doesn’t matter how silly it sounds or if none of it makes sense right now. Keep going and it will come together. The magical thing I’ve found about writing is that the story takes on a life of its own.


2. Outline (or not)


Are you a pantser or a plotter?

Whether or not you create an outline for your story depends on your personality. Did you often get off track with writing papers for school? Do you feel like you need to be better organized in general? If so, outlining might be super helpful for you. However, it can be helpful for anyone, especially if this is your first book. You can always change the outline as needed, but having one will help to keep you on track.

There are two common terms in the writing community: pantser and plotter. A pantser is a writer who writes by the seat of their pants while a plotter is one who creates an outline and plots out their story.

When I started writing my first novel, I didn’t really outline and I found myself lost: the book kept going on forever! It was a mess. At the very least, figure out the beginning, middle, and end of your story. Keep in mind the basic story you are trying to tell. It shouldn’t be too complicated. If you’ve made an outline but still find yourself lost in the process, sometimes the best thing is to simplify the story. Remove a subplot. Keep it simple. If you’re confused, your reader will be confused as well.

Basically, the only way to know if outlining is right for you is to try it. See if it helps. If you find you write better without one, then let go and have fun!


3. Set Aside Time


Schedule your writing time like you would anything else. Make it a priority.


Set aside time each day to write, even if it’s just 30 minutes. If you have kids, it can be hard to find any time for yourself so some writers set their alarms to get up earlier. If you’re a morning person, get up a little earlier to write. If you feel more alert at night, set aside some time after dinner, after the kids go bed, whenever you can make it work. It’s OK if you can’t make time every day. The important thing is you try and prioritize it as much as you can.

Tip: If you sit down and your mind is blank or you just don’t feel like writing that day, set a timer and tell yourself you will write until the timer goes off. Set it for 10, 20, or 30 minutes. Often, you’ll find that you’ll want to keep writing.

Now you’re ready!

You’ve got your laptop or your notebook and you’re ready to go. You have an idea; it may be the tiniest seed of an idea but it’s something and you can work with that. Trust the process. Once you get going, the story will start to take shape and the characters will guide you. I know that sounds odd, but it’s true. When I write, I just sit down at my laptop and stay open and allow whatever needs to happen to happen. Trusting yourself and the process takes practice, so go easy on yourself. Starting is the hardest part. Staring at that blank screen can feel terrifying and fill you with self-doubt. So just push through it and write something. Then you’ll have something to work with and build upon. Finding the time may be challenging, but you will find it if you really want to write this novel. You’ve chosen something that fascinates you, something you are passionate about, something you are curious about, so you won’t be able to stop thinking about it until you can sit down and write again.

Bonus tip: A change in scenery can help you to feel more inspired. Go take a walk and get some fresh air. Take your laptop to your back porch and write. Go to a park. If you need a break, take a break. Giving your brain a rest from time to time is good and will allow new ideas to flow in. 




Believe in yourself. You’ve got this. If you weren’t meant to write a novel, you wouldn’t have such a strong desire for it. You have a unique voice and point of view. Share it with the world. 





















































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A Robert Frost Poem & My Thoughts

The Road Not Taken  

- Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

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     When you've been to hell and back it's easy to stay on the same path--the road full of pain--not because you're happy but because it's easy. You've gotten comfortable there. You don't want to be there but the alternative--coming face to face with your issues (or maybe more accurately, your demons)--sounds too scary so you forge ahead and tell yourself you're OK. 

     This works for a while but the problem is you can only keep all this nasty stuff hidden for so long. You can only lie to yourself for so long. It will come up, one way or the other, whether you like it or not. It will rise to the surface and force you to deal with it sometimes in many forms at once. For example, you may be in a relationship and your past unresolved pain is causing problems. This happens to everyone; we all have baggage. But how many failed relationships do you want to go through before you stop and realize that you are killing them? It's never just one person's fault, but too many people blame the other person and don't take responsibility for their own mistakes. It's easy to just move on and find someone new but the cycle will keep repeating itself. 

     Now, count yourself extra lucky if you're in a relationship and your demons are coming to the surface as the bond between you two deepens and your mate is loyal and tries to understand you and work through it with you. This person is a blessing and you should thank your lucky stars! Seriously. Stop right now and say a prayer, thank the universe, whatever you'd like, because so many walk away when the sunshine turns to clouds and the roses wilt. 

     Now comes the hard part. You have been given this beautiful opportunity to overcome all this unnecessary garbage you've been carrying around. You've been given a chance to stop the vicious cycle, to grow and to learn, to heal yourself. 

    Love yourself enough to let it go. Maybe you think you deserve it. You may even think you deserve to be unhappy. I can't tell you how to heal yourself. That's something that is unique to everyone. For me, I began focusing more on my first love, the thing that fills my heart with joy and passion, you guessed it: writing. I started focusing on all the good in my life and stopping to really think about all I have to be grateful for. It's hard. When you're in the thick of it, it's so easy to be self-destructive and turn back to your old habits. But just try. Just say, "today I'm going to try to eat healthy." Why? Because what we eat affects us so much more than we realize. It affects our emotions. Over-processed and toxic foods full of chemicals will make you feel like $%#! so stop putting that in your body! The last thing you may want to do is exercise, but tell yourself you will walk for ten minutes. That's it. Maybe you'll start to feel better and want to keep walking. Maybe you won't and you'll have to force yourself the next day. That's OK. Just keep doing it. Years and years of scientific research on the anti-depressant effects of exercise cannot be wrong. It has been shown to be the equivalent of taking an anti-depressant and with no scary side effects. Yay!

     Basically, stop and ask yourself what you need. Do you need a couple days to yourself? Do you need to set aside time for exercise? Do you need to eat healthier? Do you need to go see friends? Go see a therapist? Whatever it is, you're worth it so do it! We only get such a short period of time on this planet, do you really want to spend it feeling like this?

    You are on a road. You come to a fork in the road. You can choose to walk straight ahead and stay on the same road you've been on for years. You already know what lies ahead. You don't like it but you know what to expect and it is not really what you want but it's comfortable and easy. You may even think you deserve to stay on this road to pay your penance for all the wrongs you've done. OK, well you've paid for your sins enough. It's time to forgive yourself. 

     Turn to your right and start down the new road. It is new unfamiliar terrain, it is rough at first and you find yourself tripping over rocks in the road. Get up and keep going. Because when you look up ahead, you see a clearing and a bright brilliant light peeking between two large trees. It is so blinding that you cannot even see what is there but you have a feeling you should follow it. You want to get to that light. You saw no such thing on the other road. On the other path, you could see what was in front of you for miles and it was dim and gray but it was clear. But none of that matters anymore. You've chosen to be brave and you've chosen to love yourself and give yourself a chance at happiness. While you're walking to try to reach the light, you will trip and fall and get hurt. You will cry and think about turning around so many times but you keep going because you feel that what you're doing is right. You are on the path of healing and you look around and see your friends and loved ones along the sides of the road. They are jumping for joy--literally--because they are so happy for you. They are cheering you on. You start to feel happier and more hopeful. So this is why I took this road, you say. I'm actually starting to feel better. Wow. 

    We have a tendency to stay with what we know. Change is scary. Healing is scary. Letting go of the beliefs and attitudes you've been holding onto for so many years is terrifying, but you can do it. The first step is the hardest. Be brave. Rip off the band-aid and toss it aside and don't look back. You're finding your happy.



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Why I Write (Essay - 363 words)

Why I Write 


We all daydream and sometimes our hopes and dreams seem far away and we wonder if that's all they will ever be. We try to make them happen, but despite our best efforts, some just fall through. Writing is my safety net. If something just won't seem to happen in real life, I will make it happen on the page because I need to see it happen. It serves a purpose. Maybe I'm sending this energy out into the universe and making it more likely to happen. Maybe it satisfies me somehow to see it written down and happening to a fictional character.

Writing gives you power. It allows you to create your own world. In fiction, anything is possible. Whatever it is that you want can happen in two pages. I use my characters. I use my stories. Writing is a very selfish thing in the beginning. It is all in your head and you are creating a world with new people and events. My stories aren't about me. They never start that way. The characters pop into my head demanding attention and I don't know where they come from, but they need to be given life. And many times, writing about their struggles, their conflict, their pain, their joy, is therapy for me. It helps me to feel compassion for myself because it puts everything onto the table and allows me to see that I have every right to feel the way I do. Have you heard people say "Would you talk to your friend that way?" when thinking of how you talk to yourself? Sometimes putting a character in your shoes (or giving them some of your problems) helps you to see a situation clearer. I can't tell you how many times an answer appears in the story that helps me personally.

The great thing is that many of our struggles are universal. Most likely, whatever you are writing about is something other people can relate to. So it is not entirely selfish. By making yourself vulnerable and sharing your (or your character's) struggles, you comfort other people by showing them they are not alone. And sometimes, a story is just entertainment. Most often, it is both. My novel is very much set in the real world and deals with personal relationships (specifically, a romantic relationship with lots of very messed up issues) but also has supernatural elements because it is fun to imagine a mysterious, possibly devious person with superhuman abilities.

All the things you can't say--because no one wants to hear it, people are tired of hearing it, or it sounds like complaining or whining--you can put into a story. And this changes everything. It is far more effective to get your point across and really say something if you make up fictional characters and a fictional setting with an original plot. It is safer. It is not as threatening. You can't just shove the medicine down someone's throat. They will fight you every time. Put the medicine in the mashed potatoes. Sneaky? Maybe. But, isn't this what every great artist has done? This is what I strive for. Because the alternative is to go around being miserable and feeling sorry for yourself and that is not much fun to be around. So, purge all the crap and then go out and enjoy your life.

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Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder (Short Creative Non-Fiction - 475 words)


Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

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Author note: I wrote this in February 2013. Interesting, because it is now 10 years later and I am still #singleAF as the kids say. 
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     Dating can be fun but is mostly confusing. I have learned many things, though. For example, I learned that you shouldn't drink at all on the first couple of dates because you will miss a lot of important things. And pay attention if a guy wears sunglasses a lot. He could be hiding something, like a serious case of lazy eye. How did I not notice this? It was probably the Pinot Grigio. Now before you say, "Elaine, that is just mean," read on. He was not exactly Prince Charming.

     You might be tempted to drink to calm the nerves and get over the first date jitters, but resist the temptation, because you will start to really like the person. He was fairly intelligent with a good sense of humor and good taste in music. So I got my hopes up and thought--as I frequently did in these times--"Yay! We found a winner!" It usually took me three dates to figure out what I assumed most people would see at first glance. I tend to be very picky so I was trying to not be so picky and be more open-minded but after this, I realized I should go back to being picky. See? Confusing. On the third date, I noticed that what I initially thought was a 5 or 6 was actually maybe a 2. Wine will do that to you. 

     Then I questioned myself, wondering if I was just being shallow. After all, looks are not the most important thing. But this was just too much. As Date #3 continued and I tried to make eye contact but could not because one eye was traveling westward and one wandering eastward, I realized I just couldn't do it. But that's not even the whole story. 

     He was incredibly tedious and indecisive in everything and very cheap. (What's that sound? Ah, yes, it's the sound of panties dropping) We went to Publix to buy a bottle of wine after dinner (a dinner I made, by the way. Why do women try so hard? On the third date??) and he grabs three bottles of wine. I'm thinking, "OK, he wants to take a couple bottles back home with him. He's stocking up." He puts them on the belt and stands off to the side, clearly expecting me to pay for all of them. I must add that he did make little comments from time to time about making sure I wasn't a "gold-digger" and that he was looking for a "sugar-momma." I paid for one bottle of wine and told him to put the rest back. He acted like I was over-reacting. I'm like, "No, we came for one bottle. I can't buy three." Oh, and I forgot to mention that he would never open doors but would actually stand back and wait for me to open them for him. Bizarre. I'm a modern woman and all, but really?

     On the second date, he told me how mysterious and alluring I was, how I was so different from any other woman he dated. Please. Are we in high school? He claimed to understand women so much better than other men. He just didn't understand why women were so flaky. They would lead him on then let him down. Maybe it was because they realized what a weirdo you were, but anyway. He, in his grand narcissism, called it "buyer's remorse." He worked this into almost every conversation we had.

     Suffice it to say, I did not see him again. 

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Another author's note May 21, 2023: In the last 10 years, I've been in two serious relationships. Other than that, I have dated many men like the one described above and worse. At the age of 42, I have now accepted being single and am living life to the fullest, enjoying friends, family, animals, and so incredibly grateful to be doing work I love. Not being married and having kids does not mean I have failed. It doesn't happen for everyone and maybe that is because it is not meant for everyone: some of us have another purpose in life, passions that take up all our time and energy. It's refreshing to know that we are not in control of our lives as much as we think. Whatever is meant for you will find you. Stop fighting it and be happy. 
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