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My heart beats
like a bowl of sloppy Jell-O
in the back of a beat up pick up truck
Soldiering on with little hope but

chugging along just the same

A red wet mess of arteries and cables

and networks and chambers

All that we trust can be taken away

in a flick of a switch, a pull of a plug, a

-wait for it –

beat of a heart, a snap of the fingers.

I'm 32 and it's too soon

I beg the dusty white popcorn ceiling:

Just one more chance.

I held my sister's hand

We laughed, holding the cavity-causing-crunchy-when-wet

airy sugary surprise in your choice

of sweet baby blue or innocent pink

The luscious cute smell of caramel apples

mingle with greasy gross corndogs

Her yellow curls

sparkle under the flashing candy lights of the carousel

Golden, glittery orbs set fire to her blue eyes

reflecting the pink and green horses

smiling as they go around,
a permanent state of carefree joy their only job

Her high silly giggles pierce the late night air

with youthful ferocity,

no knowledge of the silvery knife that slices a heart in love

a heart rejected, ripped out, tossed aside

no fathoming of a cold bed in an empty room

surrounded by machines and bags of fluid

Helpless to save her from a world that

will rain down upon her like jagged glass

and change her laughter from high to low, silly to cynical

White trembling, almost translucent, hand over my heart

Slowing like a train pulling into the station, sluggish pull

lumbering motion, the weight of inertia dragging the passengers'

weary overworked bodies to a grueling –

Just when I think it will 
- stop - 

It moves slower, slower

Stretch and pull the fan string, watching, waiting for it to 
- stop - 

It lumbers, laboriously slow, a creeping, teasing near-motion

Stare and wait but is it still moving?

The only way to tell is to reach up and touch the dusty blades

But that stops it

2014

The Ugly Tree (short fiction - 245 words)

1997

Disclaimer: When I was 16, wrote a short series about a family named the Donners called The Donner Chronicles. They are an incredibly stupid hillbilly family from Alabama or Arkansas; they don't really know. 

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The Ugly Tree

   One day, the Donners were at the grocery store. Everyone was looking at them strangely because they were so filthy. The oldest son, Ricardo, hadn't noticed this however and saw a pretty girl over by the potatoes. He confidently began to strut over, but he tripped over an untied shoelace and fell to the floor. As he laid there, he noticed the girl was trying hard not to laugh as she pretended to study the potatoes. 

   Ricardo thought, Maybe I should just walk away. He was still sprawled on the floor. Then he shook his head and thought, No, I've come this far, I'm going for it. So he got up and walked closer to the girl.

   Not knowing what to say as sweat started to drip from his forehead, he blurted, "See anything interesting?"

   She looked annoyed and said, "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. I see an interesting creature standing in front of me that looks like he fell down an ugly tree and hit every branch." She walked away.

   A few minutes later, Ricardo told his family what the girl had said. They were all amused and decided to leave the store and find an ugly tree. On the way out, Tommy stopped to ask the cashier, "Excuse me, would you happen to know where the closest ugly tree is?"

   The cashier stared at him, confused and said, "Looks like you already found it."

   Tommy shrugged his shoulders and said, "That youngin' sure wasn't any help! Everybody knows they's ain't no trees in grocery stores." He rolled his eyes and walked out of the store with his family. They found a deserted area behind the store and found a tree they all agreed was pretty ugly.

   Tommy said, "Well, this is about the ugliest tree I've ever seen. So, Ricardo, what'd the girl say you had to do with it?'

   "She said I fell down it and hit every branch. Weird, huh?"

   "Well, okay!" Tommy shrugged. "Let's all take turns. Now, make sure you hit every branch."

   The Donners had the time of their lives, climbing up and falling down, hitting every branch along the way.

   Ricardo said, "Now, I feel like I fell down an ugly tree!" And with that, he turned and began walking back to the store.

   "Where are you going?" asked Margerita.

   "Well duh! I'm going to go back in there and show that girl what somebody really looks like after they fall down an ugly tree!"

The Black Staircase

This is a poem written by my character Aiden Black in my book series. This is included in the first book, The Devil You Know.              

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 The Black Staircase

Take me down where it's too dark to see

Nothing but black not a light to flee

A flight on a spiral, a wave of a staircase

Are you brave enough to try

your feet meet with air

You really could fly

Or get caught in the stare

The wind sweeps you up

Fooled into trying

You think you're flying

but where the dumb meets the brave

is a riddle I've yet to solve

Crawling through the cave

You pour the misery over like

a thick sauce of years past

She didn't make this for you;

she doesn't know you exist

but when you get the chance

Ask her, was I missed

-Aiden Black, The Devil You Know © 2014 Elaine Ewertz

Cecilia's Song

This is a poem that opens a chapter in Cecilia's POV from the first book in my series, The Devil You Know. 

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Cecilia's Song

Merciless, ragged bones on fire
 Lies, innocent lives on the wire
  From the depths of her own private hell
   She takes a punch, her lips swell
    But she hides, hides it all away
     in the mirror, watch as her hips sway
      She thinks she is free
       Surely gone of misery
        Oh but it has just begun
         A battle she has already won

Au Revoir, Connard

2014

I think I was trying to write a country song here, I'm not sure. Oh well. Enjoy. 🤠 

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You'd better be sure before you walk away
Better be sure
Because you aren't coming back
Turn your back and I'll forget you
Erase you
Won't waste another minute on thoughts of you

Can't hold me back
Who do you think you're leaving
Go on, go away
I believe enough for us both
Run to your easy girl
I could never be that simple
She's got a permanent smile
But what lies behind it
Will it be enough for you

Maybe you'll get lucky
Or maybe you'll crawl back my way
thinking you can work yourself in
to my life but you see
That no longer includes you

Sorry but what did I tell you
Fool me once, shame on you
You know the rest
Don't you remember
You had my best
But you're not alone
You've got her now
What, she's not me?

Woe is You

Behind the blue
You should see it all
But what would you do
So much red
Could pour out of my ears
Maybe then you'd see
No lies, no, not from me

The neverending pain
There is no pity here
Only the shame
Of knowing I've let you down
Oh no, once again
You poor thing

Why don't you take it
Could change your mind a little
Open your eyes
To how some must live
My smiles and my laughter
You would never know
Makes you feel better
And lets me escape a while

But I know
And you know
We just play our roles

See You Next Tuesday

Their eyes dance as they tell
The criticism
And me, I stand in awe
Of their gift of judgment

The others stand unharmed
And lean in close to hear
The lies, the truth-sounding lies
Deception and manipulation, the keys
To the doors of their own little hell

The devil's sweet smile on their faces
do tell
The only defense to sound defensive
in the heart of the wicked game
they say my name
But little do they know 
they'll be put to shame

So I'll just grow stronger
Backbone made of steel
the light I've been given
Imagine, it's so real

Until the end of my time
When they've all had their fill
And I get to go home
Mercy rain on me still

Set Me Free

I had a dream that you walked in
Found me on the floor
And I said, let me go
The pain is finally ending
I feel it washing away

I am lying on the shore
Walk a little further
And this will be no more

You will never understand
But God please take me
You know I try every day
Wake up with bright-eyed hope
That this day will be different

The sun through the curtains
Dancing off the walls
But when you can't stop to feel
Freedom    
Love 
Joy
What can I endure
My brain overtaken by knives
What more can I do
Who can I become
Have mercy on me
Oh Lord set me free

2014

Eyes Closed

Perfect vision, yet your eyes closed to it all
So that when you stumble, you say, why did I fall
They laugh because it's pathetic
You cry because you fear
You may never see what was meant for you 
that is so dear
Can't keep pretending there is so much more
When you're walking backwards, away from the door


2002

This is the first poem I wrote. (I may have written others when I was younger but I was 21 when I wrote this and that feels like a lifetimes ago)

The Girls

The girls who get the boys
Ones with the pretty voice
Always smiling, it never fades
Light on her face, see no shade
If she were a flower, always in bloom
Never wilt like me, never see gloom

But wilt and die I'd rather
Than be a fake arrangement no matter
How long it lasted
Beauty be blasted

I've lived and I've learned
I've worked and I've earned
The right to be true
For me, not for you

2011